Bloggerpush

So it has been ages since I really took time to update you. All I can say is that at the moment I spend a lot of time trying to get back into normal life and seeing how my body reacts to it. It is a very difficult lesson. Somdays I can almost be normal and do all that my friends do and other days I stay in and rest all day. I have seen far to many western doctors in the last few months and it has taken its toll. I am angry at them and had to hear so much bullshit and I think with that I trying to cut everything out of my life that has to do with the pain. Including this blog. Boggerpush. I will come back and write again. Hopefully soon.

My biggest fear

I had a really demanding week and my friends this week turned out to be more of a challenge then a source of support. I have my issues with a flatmate of mine and that got more intense this week too. I am still running from doctor to doctor and it is draning me. Here is my biggest fear
That one day I might end up totally alone fearing all relations with others because of the emtional stress and the psysical pain from that. I fear that I won't be able to keep up what you have to do for a good being together. I fear that people turn away from me because I am sick. I am really scared of that.

Short blogging is better than no blogging

I am special.
That is why I have to take special care of myself.

And then...

the vaccum cleaner fell on the right side of my head. OH my god!

Mac

My mac is really and totally broken. We want to bid for one in the next few days and then I will be back online. I hope! I have so much to tell. New doctors, live changed and you are totally not updated. See you soon

I am taking a blogging break

a lot of work
a lot of new situation I am adapting to
new body feelings
and a broken but beloved mac
are preventing me from blogging
I come back though

Michael Collins

I watch so many movies and I keep forgetting which ones I saw. Today I watched "Michael Collins" with Liam Nesson and Julian Roberts.
My irish accent is very good today. I liked it. Not so sure about the performance of Alan Rickmann. I like him as Professor Severus Snape. Happend to be that I watched "the goblet of fire" yesterday. He was fantastic as Marvin in "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and one of my favorite movies "Blow dry".
There were some nice dialogues in "Michael Collins". On IMDB they give it a 6.8 and I think that is about right.
Healthwise: I slept for 4 hours when it stopped raining. I did a bit of stuff in my room and feel better now. A bit clearer.

Avoiding Kidney failiure

I have been having a weird couple ol days...
The doc told me to watch out for a kidney failiure with the painkillers I am taking. Yippy Yeah. I have been on heavy medication since well full on 1st of Jan (you remember the hospital trip ?) and I have been (ab)using for the last 3 years. I had a massage on wednesday and a session with my homeopath on thursday and then I felt a little stronger. So at the moment I am taking no or maybe 2 tabletts a day. Down from 8. Of course I pay a price. I haven't left the house for 3 days, sweetheart and I are trying to keep up a connection but I can't really talk on the phone. I go from resting to taking my pills to lots of smoking to bathing in salts to applying essential oils to massaging my arm to eating to lying on a sheepskin to warm my arm and I backing up my music. The pain is very "cause and reaction". Cold water - pain, being touched - pain, sending sms - pain, opening a door - pain, getting out of the bath - jesus ( I am being crucified here too!!!) and how about the rain that is dropping down the sky extending my body to a city attacked by dropping silver bullets. I am high from pain and ganja. I am riding a wave of solitude, meditation, imagination, pain and god. I am just a young gal from the midwest.

I was avoiding taking the pills a little